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Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. Unexpected death, especially of the violent type can result in an emotionally supercharged situation, requiring us to tread very carefully to avoid offending anyone. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. 14. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. May she rest in peace. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. People should wear white and not black. They cannot visit the family shrine and are not allowed to enter any sacred place, such as a temple. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. Other mourners are expected to stand. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. (2008). The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. There is an intense period of mourning immediately following the cremation or burial service which lasts thirteen days. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. Only one rule should guide you in writing sympathy messages: say what you truly feel. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. Here, reading 2.20 has been explained. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. Please Click Here on how you can do that. It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. Post Funeral. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. 5. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. or the universal soul. Eastern Orhtodox During the period before burial (three days after death), flowers may be sent to the funeral home. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. When some one dies his/her jeevan will remain for ten days from the day of death at the place where aparakarmas are being performed. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. A "shraddha" ceremony. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. Take a look. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. Need Immediate Service? Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Even though you're new to the neighborhood, your neighbor would likely appreciate your expression of sympathy. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. Harper San Francisco. (n.d.). Pinterest. Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. 6. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. Doing away with anything that suggests we are arriving at a party is sensible. LinkedIn. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. We are very sorry for your loss. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. This link will open in a new window. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. Talk to your friend's family. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. The family also . It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. India Today Web Desk, I. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. Many people follow thirteen days of. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. Shell never be forgotten. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. When writing sympathy cards for Hindu loved ones, geography plays a vital role. Exchange stories about your loved one. Sharma, A. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. Your sister was a beautiful person. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. Hare Krishna. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. See if you would agree. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. She may depend on you entirely or she may wish to participate in the planning and have you take care of the details. The time there can be brief and quiet. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. Many make allowances for the cremation to take place but the Hindu funeral rites may be executed on-site. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Hare Krishna. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. Friends and relatives may visit to offer condolences and participate in Hindu prayer and scriptural readings to provide solace to the bereaved. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. After that, the body has to be cremated. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. This depends on personal preferences. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. Share a toast. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. All Rights Reserved. This link will open in a new window. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. forms. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Then go with your intuition. Today is a sad day for us. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. of an actual attorney. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. That said, its the intent alongside the words that mean the most to nearly anyone. Your father was a wise man. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. They also believe that the souls next incarnation depends on the personskarma (actions during their previous life). It's up to you. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. You have a great responsibility now. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option.